EXPECTATIONS- A YES OR A NO? -Arushi chaudhary

It is often said that, “Sometimes, we create our own heartbreaks through expectations”. And I firmly believe on this. For me, who is a sensitive and an emotional human being, for such a person, expectations are more than enough for ruining his/her peace of mind and serenity. I really understand the matter of fact that we are humans, we are naturally designed to have expectations. So, here I am addressing both the sides of the coin.

Let’s get into some real stuffs, last week, I had my 20th birthday (yes, you can wish me now, yeah thanks buddy) and I was on top of the world, getting heart touching, thoughtful, kind wishes. I felt that whatever I had done in my life till now, I literally earned some loyal good people in my life. I got so many beautiful texts, calls and videos and yeah, the most precious gift I had received was the book named 'The Atomic habits', by my best friend. You are not going to believe on this, probably you can, that I told her literally only once that I was desperate to read that book and she gifted me that book on my birthday. For those, who are thinking right now, come on this is a usual gift. For me, it’s not. There are two reasons, now read carefully.

First, I don’t expect it. And second, someone is thinking about me and making me aware of the fact that she is here with me on my birthday by doing honest efforts.

Now, getting into dark side of that day, I had so many expectations from people I shared a close bond but they didn’t do anything worth remembering. If you see from my eyeball, then I will say that they don’t even urge to think or put any efforts of doing something for me. And as usual, they had their own list of excuses with them. Now,

seeing your expectations brutally killed in your mind, was an excruciating moment that I could clearly remember from my birthday. However, they put some pictures of us on their status of social sites, the same situation when we are just returning our favours to each other or a social responsibility now-a-day.

The incredible lesson of this whole scenario is when we expect from others, we personally deliver the possession of our own happiness to others whereas We must be the best judge of our own happiness. But, we handover them the for affecting us mentally and socially. We are giving the right to someone else to take the authority of our own happiness, of our own peace of mind and our own serenity.

As the most respectful spiritual guru, Dalai Lama said that, “Attachments is the origin, the root of suffering. Hence, it is the cause of suffering. And expectations are nothing, just premeditated intentions”.

I truly felt it because I know , more than million times I hurt myself for keeping expectations from others and when they couldn’t fulfil my expectations , I felt awful, stifled and actually started questioning my own self-worth, trying really hard to find the thousands of reasons behind their intentions and always caught up in the trap of thinking that probably, I am not worthy. So, the reason for a book to be the most precious gift because when you don’t expect and eventually you get it, that’s the most beautiful feeling someone can feel in their respective lives.

As it is well said that, “Life is reciprocal, when you realize no one owes you anything, you won’t expect people to owe you anything either”. Deep one.

As I have been growing through a lot of self-questioning on this matter in the past few days. So, I can now enough mature to state that following are the best solutions for someone to get out of the trap of expectations that are as follows-

1. Be Grateful and have compassion for yourself.

When you feel grateful for your beautiful life, for your parents, for your health and for who you are, then you can’t have that much of expectations because you already immersed yourself in the universe of gratefulness and self -worth. Then, even when the things do not turn out the way you hoped, you will end up with gratefulness and peace not with resentment.

Research has also shown that when you are enriched with compassion, it releases the “Feel-good” hormones, they increased the levels of oxytocin which ultimately make you relax, calm, serene and peaceful.

One of the best lines about self-worth by Finja Brandenburg that I've come across that are-

“Accept the fact that no one is perfect but everyone is enough. And then start working on your insecurities, your self-doubts, your negative thoughts, your ego. You will see in the end that you’re going to make peace with yourself. That’s the greatest thing in the world”.

2. Your thoughts form your world.

As one of my favourite and renowned writers, Robin Sharma said that, “You are not your thoughts, instead you are the creators of your thoughts that flows through our minds”.

Don’t engage your mind in some baseless expectations from others. As he said, “Life is a self-prophecy, it gives you just what you expect from it”.

Also, the British statesman Benjamin Disraeli once said, “Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think”.

3. Take the responsibility of your own happiness. One of the worst things about having expectations that from now, our own happiness and contentment depends on someone actions. If we deliberately think about it, then we can imagine how hazardous this could be for someone life.

As Erica Jong said, “Take your life into your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame”.

And note it down here, having expectations is good until and unless the person is you. Have the productive and good expectations from yourself and others until those expectations have some practical meaning in their existence. Also don’t forget to be kind and humble since practicing humility shows that you respect others and reminds us that there is so much for us yet to learn.

As Muhammad Ali said that “the more you as a person, the less you need to prove to others”.

To sum up everything, let’s read priceless words said by Bruce Lee, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and You’re not in this world to live up to mine”.